I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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