just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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