some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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