Whod you bang
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
