I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
