He uses pillows to masturbate.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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