glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
