if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
