i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
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She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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