she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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