waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
