There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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