I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
