My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
