3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
