well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
