Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
