I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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