Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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