everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
and eventually we just all took our pants off
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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