that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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