there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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