why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
