i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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