Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
