my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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