Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
