I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
