saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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