i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
