Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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