i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
