We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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