I accidentally burped into my bong.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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