nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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