I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I need a burrito and a hug.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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