i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Randomize
