I haven't been this sober since birth.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
