Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
