Just mADE A PArabola og urine
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
