my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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