I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
