How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
