some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i think i just lost a toe
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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