erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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