Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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