Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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