my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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