I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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