fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
