they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
