You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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