I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
