Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
