i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
