Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
