naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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