Will you blow on my dice?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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