apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
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white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
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it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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