So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
