dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
