Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
