how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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