im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
