i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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