Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
