he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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