and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's rum buckets o'clock
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
