Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
