I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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