sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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