You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
