why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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