he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
