He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
