Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
