I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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