I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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