Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
